Life is surreal sometimes, it gives immense delight out of the blue and also gifts painful wounds without prior notifications as well. Either ways you will have to endure it – the choice is yours – whether you would like to journey it with your creator or without but remember the entire result depends on this intricate choice that you make!
2016 has been a wonderful year Alhamdulillah. But I wish I knew what I know today. It was only after I pondered and had a deep dive in the secret yet vast pochette of time, that it unraveled its mysteries to me. YOU really must SIT, study and reflect the happenings around you because every failure or achievement is exhibiting a LESSON for you to discover. It wasn’t until lately I was caught up with my usual moon gazing session that I thought about my time, my year and my lessons.
T- I- M- E . Although it’s a small word but it truly runs deep and is the biggest teacher that you will EVER have and the lessons it taught you will be etched in your memory forever .
Time moulds you into something you are not, it has an art of transformation which leaves people spell bounded themselves. It calms down the rebels, honours the humiliated, frees the shackled, shatters the mighty, guides the lost, educates the innocent, enriches the illiterate, defeats the arrogant and much more.
With time your obsession dies, soul grooms, heart heals and matures all together. Your footings on the path ahead becomes stronger than clumsy, your wisdom takes precedence over your emotions, you are less vulnerable to the brutality of people’s opinions and judgements and finally you are sure about the mistakes which you swear to never commit again.
Someone for whom you wept for nights, today you wouldn’t care much for their existence. The people you chased in the past and gave every fibre of your being to please, might not hold the same importance anymore and you might probably mock at your stupidity.
Things change big time, that’s the awesomeness about this LIFE. No matter how much you loathe at your misery, convincing yourself that you will be miserable for ever – it isn’t true.
The rhythm of time, it’s like a seasonal breeze that destroys and later builds brick by brick compensating to every loss. Whatever it has damaged, it takes on itself to repair as well.
Although sometimes it feels like we have been in ruins for long, dirty amongst the mess, forgotten amidst the crowd and we cease to exist because we believe this illusion painted by our own weaker selves. We dwell on negativity as that seems the best revenge because it was hard in the first place to carve yourself into something you weren’t. But as ironic as it sounds, even the negativity is strangled, because every trial has a specific duration, after that it all ends, be it the anger, the regrets, the guilts – eventually time teaches you to not hold on to anything except the divine entity – Allah – Al – A’zeez.
The most essential gem that time teaches you is that to just let everything be and let it all go. One of the blatant truth is that ultimately you will have all that you have ever craved for, but not in this moment because there is a specific time for everything and that’s decreed so let everything be. Let everything go….
It will all come to you, every diverging road will only lead you to places specifically designed for you, so let everything be and let everything go…
All that’s lost might not return, but the wages of those wearying services are on its way, so let everything be and let everything go…
The betrayals hurt, the departures killed and loneliness shattered every ounce of you but the better days of unions, togetherness and sincerity are waiting ahead, so let everything be and let everything go….
The amazing thing is that this time also has very little time, so no matter how much it threatens to stay – it eventually leaves so let everything be and let everything go…….
The succesful with pride quote, ‘time is precious, don’t waste it’ but at the same time no one tells you that it’s adamant you can’t own it either. If it’s inscribed in the Qadar, then in this duration if you were to not get anything done, then no matter what you do, it’s not going to work but towards the end we also realise, that if that would have worked out then the present wouldn’t have and that would be like loosing on the bigger pie and entire one – so you feel content years later for missing out on that one piece of a tiny little pie rather than the whole of it.
Time is often times like the annoying mommys, it nags until you hear what it’s trying to narrate and then if you don’t learn what it’s willing to teach, it will keep repeating its lessons till you are thorough with the chapter and there is no room left for mistakes. It will get tough if you revolt, whereas it will reward if you obey and accept, it has multiple spectrums and colors through which it unleashes every chapter step by step, it softens as required, hardens if needed just like our moms.
Time, the more I think about it the more I smile and cry – because it got me a seat into the craziest rollercoaster ride ever. A journey that was so overwhelming and intense that I could hardly relax even for a split second. With raw emotions, glaring insecurities, sticky obsessions and a lot of chaos within the territory of my heart suppressed and masked from the world – I walked in those dark times, matching footsteps and balancing myself on the fine lane that I was bestowed with.
And the so called time kept throwing its curve balls one after the other wrapped with its gems and mysteries which I never understood back in the road, but now walking ahead it all seems like a big plan – like a workshop that was preparing me for this giant future eagerly anticipating my arrival.
Destiny isn’t something you can change, you can always make du’a that’s true – but there is only so much you can do and after wards it rests in HIS hands and to be in that position is the safest place you could ever be. It was only after I lost everything I loved from every nerve of my existence, that I realised how trivial is this Duniya. How with time, everyone will exit, every thing will scatter into different directions no matter how much you try to gather it. Your little pretty world and its people never remain the same, your tribe transforms as the years and it’s for your own good. Your bonds change and they grow deeper with distance but at times they fall apart too because we are all flawed. So don’t expect perfection from the creation, except the Creator himself.
You can’t control A SINGLE thought that disturbs your heart and wreaks havoc to your brain, and you are talking about controlling people eh ? lol
We are tested in all that we love so we lose but yet with time again as it slipped from your bare hands, it’s also returned. Because maybe by then, you would know how to love the right way. There you go again, another lesson time teaches you is — to love the apt way, the way in which it doesn’t hurt anymore. It teaches you self worth and emotional independence, It makes you stronger from the very core, from your roots so the next time that furious storm hits, when your beloved leaves, when a friend disappoints, when family backs off – you don’t shatter or even shake for that matter.
There will always come a phase where your friends will have new friends or they will get married and get busy with their new family or they will distance for no apparent reason, your spouse might get busy with work, things might fall apart in your marriage, you might have to be away from your parents – basically there WILL come a time where you have to make peace with yourself ALONE and be comfortable with the YOU – because that is ALL you will have and at that span of time – though unwillingly – YOU have to be your own rock and not the ordinary one, you have to be the invincible rock – the undefeatable one.
You have to accumulate your broken pieces and burnt ashes, lift the luggage up no matter HOW heavy and WALK!!!!!!!! MOVE FORWARD alone ONLY with Al – Qareeb on your side and nobody else and you have to win and you will Inshallah.
Although we often think we are weak but the strength of the lonely is massive, the himmah of a bruised heart is enormous because it has seen defeat, it has witnessed nothingness, it knows what ruins mean because it has wrestled with the ground for long, it has nestled there for ages so it’s like a home and it no longer fears the ground or the loss.
Another fact is until your wrestle with the ground and not respect it, you won’t be able to rise. Make the most of the precious moments you are down there and the technique is to not hate it, to not fight it but to embrace it and let the haqeeqaa (reality) sink in. Because
the heart no matter how foolish we think it is, it’s not. It understands and though after much rebelliousness it bows down, it presses the forehead on the floor.
It no longer cries and wails banging heads against the walls, screaming ‘why me’??
It peeks within itself, crying but this time for the forgiveness of His rabb and begs for mercy which has been engulfing him all the way, without his realisation Subhaanallah!
The entire carving of these trials is for this SOLE reason, that you reach the state of ‘tadaaru’ -that desperate state where you depend and cry only to your rabb. Where every ounce of your pride is crushed and all your arrogance, ego and everything that we humans take pride in crumbles down. Because only then we surrender and fall in a sincere Sajdah and say ‘’ Ya Rab! Just forgive me. I have nothing but I have you and it’s enough. Just be pleased with me. I seek your ridaa Ya Rahmaan!’’
And when this happens, Khallas! Game over buddy! Test passed and here you go ‘take your reward Oh Son Adam’ And THIS reward is ‘More than what I say ENORMOUS’ ❤
Note – I hope this makes it for an entire year of not writing often ❤ Inshallah 🙂
– Muslimah Poetess